5 things, and Other Le Petomane Favorites

by Le Petomane Theatre Ensemble

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This is mostly the cast album for the songs from "5 things," our show about pop culture, togetherness, brick-and-mortar and bamboo. It also features a few bonus tracks from our February 2011 show and an audience-favorite episode of "Gladys...of Adventure!" Enjoy!


released November 10, 2012

"5 things" (Tracks 1-7)
Recording in The Vault, and occasionally in the spare room,
Sept-Nov, 2012
Abigail Bailey Maupin: vocals
Gregory Maupin: vocals, ukuleles, guitar
Kyle Ware, vocals, guitars
"Gladys...of Adventure!" (Tracks 8-10)
Recorded Live at the Rudyard Kipling,
February 2011
Heather Burns
Tony Dingman
Abigail Bailey Maupin
Gregory Maupin
Kristie Rolape
Kyle Ware



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Le Petomane Theatre Ensemble Louisville, Kentucky

Le Petomane Theatre Ensemble is "Louisville's finest alternative theater company," according to some, and even if we don't all spell theatre/er the same way, we know what we like. We like funny. Often there's original music in our shows. Care to download some? ... more

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Track Name: First Hymn to Magic Baby Pool
Grant us some...things, O Magic Baby Pool.
We trust in your power, and shall abide by the Rules you require of us,
which are, like your water, clear and not very deep.

We shall not run around in your vicinity.
(Walk, Don’t Run, near Magic Baby Pool.)
We shall not engage in rough, unsupervised behavior.
(No Horseplay ‘round Magic Baby Pool.)
We shall not approach with food or drink...
(No food No drink near Magic Baby Pool.)
Or anything in a glass container. No drugs or alcohol.
(in your presence.)
We shall not dive. We shall not pee. Also no animals.
(Doggie, No!)
We shall not swim alone.
Track Name: Indie Bookstore Cowgirl
She was an Indie Bookstore Cowgirl...
She fought like a Bantam, She roared like a Viking,
She Tor ‘cross the Dell on a Little, Brown steed.
She wore a bright Signet, and one Vintage Remington
there in her Pocket was all she would need.
She was an Indie Bookstore Cowgirl.
She knew every book in the land
The scope of her prairie was the Modern Library
And her Golden quest was to help Everyman.
She rode past Prentice Hall to a small Random House
high atop McGraw Hill far from bright City Lights
With a Harlequin smile and Hyperion wisdom
She holed up inside there for one Doubleday... and two double nights
She was an Indie Bookstore Cowgirl.
She knew every book in the land
The scope of her prairie was the Modern Library
And her Golden quest was to help Everyman.
And her Golden quest was to help Everyman!
Track Name: Lost in the Stream
There was a man who comes no more
He does not move he does not speak
He makes a list he checks it twice
His corn is popped his eyes are weak
Do not resist Just drift on through
This magical convenient dream
Dive into your instant queue
And get Looooooooooooost In The Stream
A button pressed A moment’s wait
The need is met The craving fed
If you cannot find the one you want
Learn to want the one you find instead
O can you see through the blue screen light
What is proudly hailed by the masses teeming
The broad band’s width demands no fight
So watch it pass by so gallantly streaming...
Track Name: Fingers of Copyright Lawyers
We can’t really sing about flying
Or magic’lly soaring through the air
For the fingers of copyright lawyers
Are long and they reach everywhere

Far far away there’s a land, they say
Where the tales of your childhood remain
Untouched by the people who swipe them wholesale
From their home in the public domain

But to say any more spoils the magic
Of the magical stories that we share
And we shouldn’t really even say “magic”
For the fingers of copyright lawyers ...are everywheeeeeeeeeere!
Track Name: Counterpoint (Thing #3)
In seventy-three and seventy-four, a two-part concept album was released by the Kinks
Preservation Act I, some say it’s OK, but Preservation Act II, everyone says it stinks.
The critics were grouchy and sales were not good. People said, “too much concept and not enough rock.”
But if you listen, you’ll hear it was ahead of its time. Let me make you a tape and I think you’ll be shocked.
Give the first half a try and you’ll love it, I swear.
I would not steer you wrong. Try one song. Yes, it’s long, but just
Bear with me. Ray’s voice - what a performer.
Bear with me. Dave’s guitar - what attack!
Bear with me. On vinyl it’s warmer
Don’t just play it in the car - use the headphones, jack.

It isn’t the Who, It isn’t Pink Floyd; In fact it’s more cohesive than the concepts they tried.
The tracks on Act I, are good top to bottom, Act II gets ambitious, especially the 3rd side.
It has some narration, but is that a problem? It’s a concept album. That’s how those things go.
But if you listen, you’ll get it. When they toured it live, man, people who saw it, saw a hell of a show.
Just “Sweet Lady Genevieve” should draw you in.
Then try “Demolition” - I’m not just wishin’ - It’s my mission (to make you)
Bear with me. Let the songwriting explain it.
Bear with me. The production is so strong.
Bear with me. It’s crying out for reassessment.

I got this book
On a remainder table.
It has the black mark there, so you can tell.
Which means that someone
Ordered way too many.
How could a copy of this book not sell?

It has a map.
I’ve always been a sucker
For books with maps of lands that never were
And this one shows
The place the Doctor makes up
Where all the travels in his letters occur
And he send those letters back to his wife
So she can
read them to the local children and they’ll understand his life

Trust me here - It sounds lame, but it isn’t at all.
Trust me here – There’s allegory and science combined.
Trust me here - yeah, that sounds even lamer, but please
Look for it – I’d give you mine, but - it shouldn’t be hard to find.

“A novel of ideas,
a love story and a
spiritual guide” so said the New York Times.
It “makes use of fantasy to
chronicle a journey of faith.”
That was Newsday; And of all the crimes

For which people
are severely punished,
why isn’t one letting this go out of print?
When you sell books
It should be a mission
Not just a job - you should take a hint

From the doctor. He used his tales
Of adventure for enriching other people, not his sales.

Trust me here - There’s no way I can explain it.
Trust me here - It’s not just me; Newsday isn’t wrong.
Trust me here - You’ll laugh and trust me you’re gonna cry.

Timeless love is easy
to laugh at, to sneer at
Go ahead, you hipsters - dismiss!
Say it was a story
For tween girls and old ladies.
But vehemently I must insist that you
Open your heart to a love that will break it.
To Cameron at his peak and to Kate Winslet naked
Hear me out - Titanic won 11 Oscars
Hear me out - It made a boatload of cash
Hear me out - Yet who admits they love it?
all they do is bash, but you can’t resist the iceberg crash

For there is an iceberg
That strikes you when you least expect it
Maybe that iceberg is Love.
Cynics can be cruel
Just like Billy Zane
They’ll shoot at you, they’ll lie and they’ll shove
Oh, but the heart , it is fiery and strong
Like a crafty old lady that has the jewel on her all along,
Hear me out - I don’t have to explain it
Hear me out - an emotion can’t be “wrong”
Hear me out - Admit it! You cried when that old couple died!
Spooning as the water rose around their bed, and the Irish lady told her children a story of a land of eternal youth that they’d never see, because the immigrants all died when they locked the doors and...

you should watch it/ read it/ listen for yourself.
(I’m King of the World!)
Track Name: Flashback (Thing #4)
I would like to choose the box set of every single song
recorded between 1926 and 29
by the Hot 5s and the Hot 7s led by Louis Armstrong.
I’d love the JSP edition, but the Sony would be fine.

Is that not a compilation?

Yes. That’s why it’s called “The Complete.”

That makes sense. But still. It’s risky.

It may be risky, but regardless, I repeat - I would like -

No. (SHIFT) That the Magic Baby Pool does not allow.

It’s true. I tried!

So you must choose again. Choose again, now.

But why? Why?!?

You tell me what I can have, but I don’t believe you.
(You can’t have it!)

You tell me nonono, But I say yesyesyes
(You can’t have it!)

You say it’s against the rules
(The rules!)

You say you understand Magic Baby Pool

But I want what I want. The choice is mine. I want what I want.
(You can’t have it!) (You can’t have it!)

But I want what I want. At least let me try. I want what I want.
(You can’t have it!) (You can’t have it!)

If you’re going to be that way, I’ll take Charles Mingus!
Track Name: Final Hymn to Magic Baby Pool
Grant us some...things, O Magic Baby Pool.
We trust in your power, and shall abide by the Rules you require of us,
which are, like your water, clear and not very deep. OhMagicBabyPool.

We shall be mindful of the things we have.
(Walk, Don’t Run, near Magic Baby Pool.)
We shall remember that we’ve got to be kind, babies.
(No Horseplay ‘round Magic Baby Pool.)
We shall remember that these things are not about survival.
(No food No drink by Magic Baby Pool.)
We shall listen, read and watch / with full attention
(in your presence.)
We shall be aware that making cool stuff is what splits us from the animals
(Doggie, No!)
We shall not swim alone.